Saturday, March 14, 2009

Another Madoff moment

MR. Madoff

I wonder if he is MAD becuase he is OFF to jail?

How to lose weight...or maybe not

Hello, my name is Mike Conners...Today ladies and gentlemen I would like to offer to you extreamly valuable information on how to lose weight...and if your desires take you to this point, build muscle. As summer is fast approaching you young men and women out there are frantic thinking "oh no, summer, pool, beach, less and less clothes, but I need to get in shape, I need to lose weight, I need to have that bikini body, I need to look chisled." Well I'm here to tell ya, its possible with my PROVEN system. (record scratch...) WHAT?!?!

I logged onto my AOL mail today and heard what I love hearing, what makes me feel so popular, that deep voice saying "You've got mail" (refer to chain letters to see just how excited I get when I hear "You've got mail")and aside from the normal banter from my mom, the "hey honey, I love you" from my wife, "your rent is due" from my landlord and the million and one chain letters (again refer to previous post "chain letters" for a more detailed explination of how PISSED OFF I get with these type of emails) there was another one that pissed me off EVEN MORE than chain letters (for those of you who are up to speed on the deep hate I have for chain letters I know its hard to believe that something could piss me off more but, it did). Someone trying to SELL me useless crap...We have all heard it, maybe you have been duped into buying one of these programs or miracle supplements that will guarantee you will lose 350 pounds of fat by tomorrow at 3:42 PM Eastern Standard Time or some such non sense.

Well suffice it to say I am ringing my BS alarm on this one (you can all feel free to ring yours too if you have one if not I would highly recommend investing in comes in handy and its a fun gift idea)...First of all if you weigh enough that you need to lose 350 pounds aint nothing gonna help you (for you english teachers out there, the incorrect grammer was on purpose for emPHsis...yes I know I did it and I already have my red pen ready to roll) except a treadmill and a set of dumb bells and MAYBE a crunch or two (strong focus on the MAYBE)...Secondly, if you think that you can lose weight and be "in the best shape of your life" by tomorrow at 3:42 PM Eastern Standard Time you should probably re-evaluate your thought process (it will be AT LEAST 3:42 PM Pacific Standard Time to lose that amount of weight).

Where is he going with this? May be a question you are asking yourselves at about this point in time. Well good question my avid blog readers/followers, if you can come up with an answer to that question, please feel free to let me know, becuase I honestly can hardly come up with an answer myself.

I guess my point is, DONT I repeat DO NOT buy any of this crap, the ONLY way you are going to get in shape is healty diet and exercise, and for this you do not need any miracle pill, miracle diet, or anything of the like. You will not lose weight over night, you will not be in the best shape of your life in a week, month maybe even a year, it takes time, it takes patience. If you want to waste your money on something, invest in a personal trainer or a nutritionalist. But eat healthy, exercise regularly and you will be hot in no time...that is if you have the potential to be hot in the first place...I mean some people no matter how much they work out just dont have the correct structure to be 'hot' fact some people i look at and just go 'eww'...but I digress...

For those of you who are saying "Mike, your an idiot" my friends are correct, I am an idiot.

Hope this blog was somewhat useful to you even though my main intent was to be sarcastic, if you found some use out of it, that is just fucking skippy! Have a good day my friends in wellness...Have a great time on your 'fit for life journey' I shall see you on the other side...

For now, be true to yourself...others and...haha who am I kidding?

Comment, subscribe, favorite me on technorati...I made it easy for you, click the button on the top of my side bar if you dont have an account, create one, its fast, easy, free and fun for the whole family...check out my videos on YouTube I could use the views...

Are you ready for it? Here it comes...THATS WHAT I TALKIN BOUT WILLIS! see ya bye!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Woman upset about butt implants (rightfully so!)

Hey guys, dont really have much to say about this one...The video pretty much speaks for itself...Check out my videos...comment...subscribe...check my website and check out my YouTube page what I talkin bout Willis!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

How Dumb Can One Get?

So get this...This lady was on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and after this aired her family and friends I'm sure are VERY proud!

Her name is Kathy Evans from Idaho...She is 32 years old and a wife and mother of 2...she got stuck on the VERY FIRST QUESTION and as if it wasn't bad enough (wait until you HEAR the question), she used all her life lines. Heres how it played out.

The question: Which of the following is the largest?

A: A Peanut
B: An Elephant
C: The Moon
D: Hey, Who you callin large?

Her response: "hmm oh boy, thats a toughie....I mean Im sure Ive heard of some of these before, but I have no idea how large they would be."...

Are you SHITTING me? It gets better...

She chooses her 50/50 and A and D are removed leaving B and C. She says "OH! it removed the ones I was leaning toward. Darn I had better phone a friend". She contacted her friend Betsy using her 2nd life line Betsy proceeded to tell her it was B...Mrs Evans then declined to take her friends advise saying "I just dont think I can trust Betsy shes not all that bright."

Who is the one that is not all that bright dear?

She then uses her 3rd and LAST life line asking the audience...and as you may guess the audience says the moon.

She STILL doesn't believe its the moon and answers an elephant.

I don't know which moon or elephant your familiar with Mrs. Evans but hopefully dad helps the children with homework.

This just leads me to pose one question...How Dumb Can One Get?

This one is EVEN better...

No commentary necessary except...How Dumb Can One Get?

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Thats what I talkin bout Willis!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Real men iron their T-shirts

I know I'm a little different. I think a little more deeply than a lot of people. But in the case of ironing T-Shirts, I thought I was pretty normal.

That is until I was asked, "You iron your T-Shirts?"

Are you serious? A freshly ironed T-Shirt can only be outdone in "Man-Satisfaction" in comparison with a "Fresh Hair-Cut". (For the "Ebonically-Challenged", that means a "hair-cut that was just completed by a trained professional.")

This person claimed most folks "throw their T-Shirts in the dryer."

Personally, I never dry my T-Shirts in the dryer, it causes them to shrink. I buy L when it comes to T-Shirts, and I take their fitting very seriously.

When removing T-Shirts from the wash, a responsible Jedi Knight knows he must hang the T-Shirt immediatley on a plastic hanger. After placing the T-Shirt on the hanger, he must position the hanger in the opening of a nearby doorway. (ex. Find a door that's opened and hang the T-Shirt IN the doorway. The closet is the most ideal fit.)

After the T-Shirt drys, it retains it's original L size and you don't look like one of those Abercrombie and Fitch boys who are trying to show off the muscles they don't really have. Tight shirts just aren't cool anymore.

Before wearing the T-Shirt, one must perfect the creases in its arms, and remove all wrinkles by IRONING the T-Shirt. This look says, "Hey Ladies, I'm responsible enough to care about my appearance, so I took time to iron my T-Shirt. If I TAKE TIME to iron my T-Shirt, imagine what else I take time with. I also have the "loose fit" appearance that a lot of today's rappers possess, therefore I'm "down".

Dont forget to check my Website check out my videos...updated often so check yo thang!

Thats what I talkin bout Willis!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Kool Aid in 20 oz bottles

Of all the things in life that puzzle me, this has to be at the top of the list.

Why haven't the makers of Kool-Aid marketed this wonderful product in 20 oz. Bottles?

When you go to your local convenient store, in thirst of a quenching beverage after a long-hard "whatever", you have several options.

Soft drinks don't go down smooth enough. Water doesn't provide stimulation to one's taste buds. The other "fruit" drinks feel they have to mix cranberry/melon/strawberry/apple and grape juice in some awful blend.

Kool-Aid always tastes good. I always have a jug of Kool-Aid in the "Mikey-C Fridge". You get back to the basics. Grape, Cherry, Orange, Strawberry, whatever. It's one friggin' flavor, and it's sweet...unlike water. And almost good for you, unlike soda.

The only containers of Kool-Aid come in like 8 oz. "Kool-Aid Bursts" bottles. Something that wouldn't even satisfy a First-Grader. It's an outrage.

Gatorade is the closet thing to Kool-Aid. It's like they were gonna make a 2 Quart jug of Kool-Aid, but you only had 1/2 cup sugar, so you just said, "Screw it, we'll make it anyway."

Investors need to contact Kool-Aid with this problem. There's a market for Kool-Aid in the 20 oz. Bottle. I want 10%.

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Thats what I talkin bout Willis!